Group Healing: Transforming the Myth + Curse of "Not Good Enough" (10/7/15)
Deficient, unloveable, unworthy, unacceptable, not valuable, and obviously incapable of success in career, romance, creativity etc. as you are. Must do, achieve, progress, become something more and better.
This is the constellation of issues that form around "not good enough."
Truly, there is no standard.
We each have a unique gift and spirit to bring to the world. This, our irrefutable Divine Spark, is inherently and beautifully enough.
However, many of us, consumed by a fear of not being good enough, keep ourselves in hiding. We hold back, procrastinate, try to get it "perfect", by somebody else's standard-- being and doing it "their way"-- forcing ourselves, our spirit, into a mold that isn't ours. Trying desperately, anxiously to contort, conform and get it "right."
Ah, what suffering and unfortunate waste of our uniqueness and beauty-- to live in such fear and hiding.
The hiding may manifest as a fear of getting too close to others- for being seen as less than "perfect" or it may block us creatively, financially, sexually etc. There are so many ways this fear/belief can inhibit our blossoming and connecting with the world around us in authentic, empowering, fulfilling ways.
Many of us have been shamed (subtly and not so subtly), in our schools, families etc. because we've been different. We've behaved, thought, and appeared differently from our parents, siblings, peers and/or culture at large. Rather than be celebrated for our uniqueness-- this "difference" may have been rejected, consciously or unconsciously, by those around us (perhaps because their difference was also rejected). So we learned that who we are is abnormal and substandard. As children, we're like porous, dependent sponges, and so we absorb these messages (rather than question them) and come to believe that we truly aren't good enough as we are. We may develop anxiety and various compulsions, trying desperately to be good enough so that we can be loved and accepted. We spend our lives carrying this belief and burden of shame around-- believing that, at our core, we're different and separate from everyone else who seems to "have it going on." We learn to hide, pretend, isolate, and fear being seen for our apparent deficiency. This is the curse of "not good enough."
Summary of Symptoms of "Not Good Enough":
Group Healing: Transforming Lack + Scarcity Around Money (8/24/15)
What's a Group Healing?
A group healing is a great way to receive low-cost treatments in a group setting. During the healing, I will channel for each person to release their issues as deeply as I am able to in the given time. For those attending the healing in person,we will have about 15 minutes to check-in and then de-brief around the actual energy healing. Coming to the healing in person can also be a way to connect with others and share experiences (this is definitely not required). The healing itself will last for 90-minutes. Those healing with us at a distance will be informed about the start and ending of the healing.
On Money Anxiety + Perpetuating Lack
This month we'll work to clear the money anxiety that is driven (often subconsciously) by a sense of lack. While last month's healing was focusing on a sense of lack mostly in regard to interpersonal relationships, this month we'll dive into the feeling of lack around money.
Keep in mind, even though you may be using affirmations (or something of the like). to counteract feelings of lack/scarcity- the conditioning, from the cells in your system, to your organs, chakras and essentially, everywhere in your energy system-- may be programmed to a diffierent tune, making it hard to create the abundance you want. In this healing, we'll clear the places in your body/psyche/energy system that are deeply contracted around money lack. This clearing will reach a level that abundance affirmations simply aren't able to reach.
When I started working on this issue in my own system, I had the feeling that even if I had billions of dollars, this fear of never having “enough” would still be operating in the background of my psyche, creating fear and tension. Crazy, huh? And real. We are all biologically and genetically primed to survive and this money piece is a big part of the survival-craze phenomenon for us humans (perhaps more so for those of us living in individualistic, capitalist societies).
What happens when this issue loosens its death-grip? We relax and are able to let go of the struggle-- surrendering into the flow and inherent abundance of life. We no longer try desperately to control, hold on, and “push the river.” We feel more grounded and connected to reality. We make choices from a clearer, more relaxed place.
A potential side-effect of releasing the issue is that you may find money comes to you a lot more easily and the “enough-ness” that your ego so desperately desires, actually becomes a reality.
I invite you to be part of the healing and see the transformation that happens for yourself.
Group Healing: Feeling "Full"- Transforming Neediness + Lack (7/20/15)
How Neediness Can Cause Suffering in our Lives & Relationships
Neediness is a core issue that underlies most of our complex inner dramas. Below are words that my teacher, Ric Weinman, wrote about the centrality of neediness in our lives and relationships:
"Neediness arises directly from the sense of lack created by separation. This is reinforced by the body’s needs for food, shelter and reproduction, but the root of the issue is in the incarnational being’s own sense of separation and lack.
The neediness in itself creates an emotional wall, because it creates a filter though which all life is experienced-perceived now through the ego’s neediness-and this also creates an intense sense of self-referencing, which gets in the way of simply being present with life as it is. In addition, the neediness creates a sense of being vulnerable, which creates self-protection, control and anger positions to protect the vulnerability, and so on.
Viewed through this lens, the most common drama in relationships is based on each person trying to get what they need from the other. This is doomed to failure, which escalates the drama. It is doomed for several reasons. First, more superficially, it is very difficult for someone to meet another’s needs while they are feeling that neediness as well. More to the point: it is impossible to meet someone else’s needs, because those needs are based on separation and lack. No matter how hard one tries to be there for the other, it can never be enough. But the expectation is that the other person could meet your needs, if only they did this and that. So resentment builds, which creates a withholding of what the other person wants, which creates resentment on the other side, which creates withholding there, and so on.
When people first meet and “fall in love”, there is an opening into something that is beyond all this neediness and lack. But the pull of the core issues from separation soon re-surface, and then the emotional negotiation and struggle begins.
For relationships, I sometimes call this the chocolate and jellybean drama. Person A has chocolate to give but craves jelly beans. Person B has jellybeans to give but craves chocolate. They meet and fall in love, or have some other kind of relationship. And the relationship works well at first because the chocolate and jellybeans are freely given, leading to mutual satisfaction. But neither chocolate nor jellybeans, can really satisfy the person’s neediness and inner egoic lack, so after a while, it will seem as if the chocolate or the jellybeans are just not the same quality, or not as freely given. They just don’t hit that same spot of satisfaction any longer, which must, of course, be the other person’s fault. So, there are arguments, demands, resentment, withholdings, etc. And twenty years later the couple is fighting about who was supposed to pick up the mail, but they are really still arguing about chocolate and jellybeans, and they are both still avoiding the true underlying cause of their unhappiness, which has nothing to do with the other person but their own sense of neediness, which nothing can satisfy. The only true fix is awakening out of their illusion of separateness."
What Changed for Me after Releasing this Issue
(Keep in mind, everyone will have their own unique experiences)
I realized that I used to feel a kind of loss/depression at the end of nourishing experiences. In fact, I resisted their ending at all! Since this release, my experience has become one of moving from “fullness” into “fullness.” I generally feel more full-- or rather, I am now more able to take in the inherent fullness of Life.
Additionally, I've noticed that I've become clearer and more direct in my communications. Boundaries have become easier to set as I am no longer coming from a needy place-- trying to indirectly control another person's reaction to me in an attempt to satisfy my needs. Additionally, handling the boundaries of others has become much easier as there is no longer a sense that I need this other to fulfill something for me.
I experience myself as fulfilled both on my own and with others. In this way, I've become more independent, but not in a defended way- where I am defending against my own neediness and desire for connection-- but rather in a way that feels clearer and accepting of what is.
Deficient, unloveable, unworthy, unacceptable, not valuable, and obviously incapable of success in career, romance, creativity etc. as you are. Must do, achieve, progress, become something more and better.
This is the constellation of issues that form around "not good enough."
Truly, there is no standard.
We each have a unique gift and spirit to bring to the world. This, our irrefutable Divine Spark, is inherently and beautifully enough.
However, many of us, consumed by a fear of not being good enough, keep ourselves in hiding. We hold back, procrastinate, try to get it "perfect", by somebody else's standard-- being and doing it "their way"-- forcing ourselves, our spirit, into a mold that isn't ours. Trying desperately, anxiously to contort, conform and get it "right."
Ah, what suffering and unfortunate waste of our uniqueness and beauty-- to live in such fear and hiding.
The hiding may manifest as a fear of getting too close to others- for being seen as less than "perfect" or it may block us creatively, financially, sexually etc. There are so many ways this fear/belief can inhibit our blossoming and connecting with the world around us in authentic, empowering, fulfilling ways.
Many of us have been shamed (subtly and not so subtly), in our schools, families etc. because we've been different. We've behaved, thought, and appeared differently from our parents, siblings, peers and/or culture at large. Rather than be celebrated for our uniqueness-- this "difference" may have been rejected, consciously or unconsciously, by those around us (perhaps because their difference was also rejected). So we learned that who we are is abnormal and substandard. As children, we're like porous, dependent sponges, and so we absorb these messages (rather than question them) and come to believe that we truly aren't good enough as we are. We may develop anxiety and various compulsions, trying desperately to be good enough so that we can be loved and accepted. We spend our lives carrying this belief and burden of shame around-- believing that, at our core, we're different and separate from everyone else who seems to "have it going on." We learn to hide, pretend, isolate, and fear being seen for our apparent deficiency. This is the curse of "not good enough."
Summary of Symptoms of "Not Good Enough":
- Fear + Anxiety
- Procrastination
- Perfectionism
- Shame
- Self-criticism
- Over-working
- Under-achieving
- Blocking intimacy and connection for fear of being "found out" for one's deficiency
- Anxiety that our bosses, clients, teachers, supervisors etc. will evaluate us as less than.
- Undervaluing ourselves + undercharging
- Inhibiting ourselves creatively, financially, romantically etc.
- Not letting ourselves try something new for fear of sucking at it.
- Difficulty tolerating feedback and criticism- no matter how constructive as it triggers defensiveness, a "shame spiral" and/or shut-down.
- Allowing others to deem us good enough. Basing our value on an external standard.
- Not allowing ourselves to be the brightly shining, unique, beauty-filled superstar we truly are :)
Group Healing: Transforming Lack + Scarcity Around Money (8/24/15)
What's a Group Healing?
A group healing is a great way to receive low-cost treatments in a group setting. During the healing, I will channel for each person to release their issues as deeply as I am able to in the given time. For those attending the healing in person,we will have about 15 minutes to check-in and then de-brief around the actual energy healing. Coming to the healing in person can also be a way to connect with others and share experiences (this is definitely not required). The healing itself will last for 90-minutes. Those healing with us at a distance will be informed about the start and ending of the healing.
On Money Anxiety + Perpetuating Lack
This month we'll work to clear the money anxiety that is driven (often subconsciously) by a sense of lack. While last month's healing was focusing on a sense of lack mostly in regard to interpersonal relationships, this month we'll dive into the feeling of lack around money.
Keep in mind, even though you may be using affirmations (or something of the like). to counteract feelings of lack/scarcity- the conditioning, from the cells in your system, to your organs, chakras and essentially, everywhere in your energy system-- may be programmed to a diffierent tune, making it hard to create the abundance you want. In this healing, we'll clear the places in your body/psyche/energy system that are deeply contracted around money lack. This clearing will reach a level that abundance affirmations simply aren't able to reach.
When I started working on this issue in my own system, I had the feeling that even if I had billions of dollars, this fear of never having “enough” would still be operating in the background of my psyche, creating fear and tension. Crazy, huh? And real. We are all biologically and genetically primed to survive and this money piece is a big part of the survival-craze phenomenon for us humans (perhaps more so for those of us living in individualistic, capitalist societies).
What happens when this issue loosens its death-grip? We relax and are able to let go of the struggle-- surrendering into the flow and inherent abundance of life. We no longer try desperately to control, hold on, and “push the river.” We feel more grounded and connected to reality. We make choices from a clearer, more relaxed place.
A potential side-effect of releasing the issue is that you may find money comes to you a lot more easily and the “enough-ness” that your ego so desperately desires, actually becomes a reality.
I invite you to be part of the healing and see the transformation that happens for yourself.
Group Healing: Feeling "Full"- Transforming Neediness + Lack (7/20/15)
How Neediness Can Cause Suffering in our Lives & Relationships
Neediness is a core issue that underlies most of our complex inner dramas. Below are words that my teacher, Ric Weinman, wrote about the centrality of neediness in our lives and relationships:
"Neediness arises directly from the sense of lack created by separation. This is reinforced by the body’s needs for food, shelter and reproduction, but the root of the issue is in the incarnational being’s own sense of separation and lack.
The neediness in itself creates an emotional wall, because it creates a filter though which all life is experienced-perceived now through the ego’s neediness-and this also creates an intense sense of self-referencing, which gets in the way of simply being present with life as it is. In addition, the neediness creates a sense of being vulnerable, which creates self-protection, control and anger positions to protect the vulnerability, and so on.
Viewed through this lens, the most common drama in relationships is based on each person trying to get what they need from the other. This is doomed to failure, which escalates the drama. It is doomed for several reasons. First, more superficially, it is very difficult for someone to meet another’s needs while they are feeling that neediness as well. More to the point: it is impossible to meet someone else’s needs, because those needs are based on separation and lack. No matter how hard one tries to be there for the other, it can never be enough. But the expectation is that the other person could meet your needs, if only they did this and that. So resentment builds, which creates a withholding of what the other person wants, which creates resentment on the other side, which creates withholding there, and so on.
When people first meet and “fall in love”, there is an opening into something that is beyond all this neediness and lack. But the pull of the core issues from separation soon re-surface, and then the emotional negotiation and struggle begins.
For relationships, I sometimes call this the chocolate and jellybean drama. Person A has chocolate to give but craves jelly beans. Person B has jellybeans to give but craves chocolate. They meet and fall in love, or have some other kind of relationship. And the relationship works well at first because the chocolate and jellybeans are freely given, leading to mutual satisfaction. But neither chocolate nor jellybeans, can really satisfy the person’s neediness and inner egoic lack, so after a while, it will seem as if the chocolate or the jellybeans are just not the same quality, or not as freely given. They just don’t hit that same spot of satisfaction any longer, which must, of course, be the other person’s fault. So, there are arguments, demands, resentment, withholdings, etc. And twenty years later the couple is fighting about who was supposed to pick up the mail, but they are really still arguing about chocolate and jellybeans, and they are both still avoiding the true underlying cause of their unhappiness, which has nothing to do with the other person but their own sense of neediness, which nothing can satisfy. The only true fix is awakening out of their illusion of separateness."
What Changed for Me after Releasing this Issue
(Keep in mind, everyone will have their own unique experiences)
I realized that I used to feel a kind of loss/depression at the end of nourishing experiences. In fact, I resisted their ending at all! Since this release, my experience has become one of moving from “fullness” into “fullness.” I generally feel more full-- or rather, I am now more able to take in the inherent fullness of Life.
Additionally, I've noticed that I've become clearer and more direct in my communications. Boundaries have become easier to set as I am no longer coming from a needy place-- trying to indirectly control another person's reaction to me in an attempt to satisfy my needs. Additionally, handling the boundaries of others has become much easier as there is no longer a sense that I need this other to fulfill something for me.
I experience myself as fulfilled both on my own and with others. In this way, I've become more independent, but not in a defended way- where I am defending against my own neediness and desire for connection-- but rather in a way that feels clearer and accepting of what is.
